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[07 Mar 2005|12:42am] |
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happy birthday to me. i'm so happy to be home. xoxo
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[03 Feb 2005|04:10pm] |
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red house painters : drop |
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i feel like writing.
when did life get so complicated? was it at 2 when i had to start eating solids and learn to chew? was it at six when i finally had to get off my ass and go to SCHOOL? was it third grade when i had to start doing math? was it at 12 when i had my first kiss? or 15, when i had my first real heartbreak? 16, when i moved out on my own? 17, when i graduated high school and left the people with teenage mentality behind? or later that year when i finally encountered an abusive boyfriend? was it 18, when i moved out of state for the first time with a boy i had only known three months but was in complete and total utter love with? was it 22, when i went on my first real date? or 23, when i had to face the fact that even though i'm true to the people i love, some people don't have a pure heart and will betray you?
things shouldn't be this complicated. especially when you are constantly aware and attentive to make sure all of your intentions are true. i try to be an optimistic person, but i know it'll never be easy. and that's sad. i can only take what i've learned and stick with what my heart tells me. it's inevitable that i'll get stepped on, but i'm starting to build one hell of a callous so maybe it won't be so bad some day. i guess i'm just a hopeful soul. i can't help it. if i get cynical, i'll just let the good things that enter my life pass me by.
i'm turning 24 soon. and i'm happy that i feel i have something to show for it. my heart and mind have expanded so much through the years. i don't think i ever let myself get stagnant. i still have a lot to learn, but i've got my 24 scars to show me where i've been. i may not be in the financial or career lifestyle place that i should be at 24, but where my heart is concerned, i'm just fine. it means more to me to be mentally and emotionally prepared for this world than financially. i'll get there soon enough. because no matter what, i'm still alive and kicking.
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[01 Jan 2005|03:45pm] |
champagne is the devil.
happy fucking new years.
♥
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[06 Dec 2004|04:40pm] |
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cave in : jupiter |
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i'm taking my journal back to friends only mode.
some things are sacred.
♥
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| fuckin' ink |
[04 Dec 2004|03:17pm] |
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son, ambulance : the moral of rosa, parolee |
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whaddya know, life is actually going pretty fucking good. thursday was mustache night at sidebar and if you haven't seen the pics yet, they can be found here. that was definitely an interesting night. yesterday, got off work early and court, sara, and i got our first tattoos together. once we decided we were doing it for sure that night, we started getting super nervous and anxious. we got to world famous and waited for about half an hour before kelly finished the girl he was working on before us. and of course, the girl was crying while she was getting her tattoo. NOT SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SEE. we finally got started shortly after that, kelly did sara's and jamie did mine and court's. i've always had a high threshold for pain so i was happy when the needle finally hit my skin and it didn't hurt nearly as bad as i thought it would. of course, there were certain areas that were more tender than others, but all in all, not a very traumatic experience. the final product :
whoever has court and sara on their friends pages too will just have to sit through the identical pics. :) for more, go here.
kc and i are having date night tomorrow. we're getting fancy and i can't wait. i really couldn't be any happier.
xoxo
v.
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| all that i wanted |
[30 Nov 2004|01:52pm] |
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talking heads : and she was |
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last night was mister mark toohey's birthday and boy did we celebrate in style. court, sara, mark, rob, marisa, john, sarah, ross, sean, paul &myself hit up barfly's around 10:30 after eating some of the cheesecake sara got mark for his b-day. aaron hooked us up with some very lovely drinks. sara, court and i decided we're all getting femme tattooed in cursive on our left wrists. our first tattoos together. i'm so fucking excited. then we headed over to sidebar around 1 to fill mark up with shots. we met up with more beautiful faces there and it was great seeing mark's progression into the birthday BUZZ.
at some point in the night kc introduced me to a girl as "vickie, my girlfriend" so that's right folks, i'm a girlfriend. a very happy girlfriend. :) for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting kc, he's the beautiful man pictured below.
i warned mark at the beginning of the night that someone would have to carry him to the car at the end of the night and when he woke up in the morning he would still be drunk. sure enough, sara helped him to the car and i do believe i heard sara yell, "he's still drunk!!" today at 10am. i'm a girl of my word.
john is going back to dallas today, but he will be returning in under two weeks to live here FOR GOOD and i'm so happy. kemble will be in town soon to play a show. i STILL have the best roommates in all of creation.
i could piss myself with glee right now.
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| i know you read this |
[24 Nov 2004|06:55pm] |
apology not accepted.
but you should still read my entry in the other journal. there's a new one.
not forgiven and not forgotten doesn't mean the end of it all.
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| and i wanted leftovers. |
[22 Nov 2004|02:59pm] |
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portishead : it could be sweet |
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after yesterday, i totally have so much more respect for my mom for cooking thanksgiving dinner. i've only cooked a full out turkey dinner once by myself and that was when kris and i lived in columbus and i was 19 and had the energy of a teenager. plus there wasn't 15+ bottles of wine involved. like a bitch, i passed out at 9:30pm in my bed, fully clothed, with all of my lights on. i missed marisa's b-day extravaganza and i feel like shit for it. SO SORRYYYY. but the food was a success. obviously, because i woke up this morning and everything had been PICKED CLEAN. haha
i made turkey with sage butter & mashed potatoes & cornbread stuffing, rachel brought over butternut squash soup w/ crostini and carmalized apples, sara made shells and cheese, i made aaron & tommy peel potatoes, shane brought corn, ryan brought rolls, mark was being an expert bowl loader for a very grateful cook, courtney helped me buy everything, john brought cookies, sarah brought her baby pumpkins and baby wine, anna brought apple pie and mia belle, ross brought wine, stephanie brought flowers, and i think anyone else that showed up brought a bottle of wine. it was definitely a family affair.
i keep watching the news with hopes that somehow all of my surrounding streets are closed and there is flooding all around me so i can call in to work. but no such luck. :( come on natural disasters, WORK IN MY FAVOR!
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[20 Nov 2004|09:26pm] |
i just caught myself walking around the house fully clothed with a JACKET on and somehow barefoot. no shoes. no socks.
i need to stop smoking so much weed.
v.
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| what can i save you from? |
[17 Nov 2004|10:30pm] |
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t.v. on the radio : satellite |
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i had to fire someone at work tonight. which is totally fucked up because i'm only head bartender, i'm not bar manager. my job is to train all the new people, keep the bar running smoothly, and keep inventory and make check lists of things that need to be ordered, plus my regular bartending duties. my job is not to hire anyone, so it's definitely not to FIRE anyone. it sucked. he was this 20 year old mexican kid that started working at embassy when he was 16 TWO months before i started working there. that's a little over 4 years. he's one of the only originals there. and he got caught drinking behind the bar. which is already grounds for termination but he's underage NO LESS! soooo, my manager made me go meet him in the office when i got to work today to fire him. man, it sucked. :(
also, i saw on the news today how the russian president vladimir putin announced that russia is currently working on nuclear missles that no other country has. this freaks me out. people really need to stop messing around with this shit. from all the apocalyptic movies about natural disasters and plagues and zombies, i really think we're all just going to blow eachother up before any of that shit happens. this makes me sad. thanks bush. actually, thanks fucked up animalistic tendencies towards violence and having the biggest "weapon". we're so fucked.
other than that,
life has been going pretty fucking good for me. in light of hector's (the guy i had to fire) termination, i now have to work (tonight), tomorrow, friday, saturday, sunday, monday, & tuesday. then i'm off on wednesday to pick my aunt up from the airport. and then i work on thursday, friday, & saturday. normally i'd be pissed, but i really fucking need the money so it works out.
and last night was seriously one of the best nights ever. i so had perma-grin for HOURSANDHOURS. we had steak night and kc bought us all SUPER NICE organic steaks from central market, organic wine, and since we didn't have a grill he bought us a grill from target. i'm really not sure how to handle all this incredible generosity. i'm not used to being treated like a queen. it's pretty nice, i must say. i cooked mashed potatoes and asparagus, and erin and grizz came over and erin made pineapple upside down cake that was OUTRAGEOUS.
i feel so much more chemically stable these days and i'm pretty fucking proud of myself. i still have my insecurities, but i'm learning to be comfortable with them. i'm just taking things slow and enjoying them as they come along. holy shit, could i actually be content right now?
nuts.
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| milk&brownies |
[15 Nov 2004|12:30pm] |
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calm |
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metric : rock me now |
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today i :
baked brownies
took the trash out
did some dishes
watched t.v.
ate stuff
dicked around on the internet
i'm such an over achiever.
i think pretty soon sara and i will be able to communicate through nothing but coughs. you know you're jealous.
what is it with this weather? it was super cold times last night but now it's all warm and muggy. fucking texas. syke. i love you texas.
the fashion show last night was some serious fun. it was so weird to see emo's set up completely different than i'm used to. i fucking loved it. the clothes were actually pretty cute and all the merch that was there was torturing court & me. everything was so adorable but cost WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH. i understand since it wasn't mass manufactured they have to charge a lot for the time, the one-of-a-kind aspect, and materials - but damn, son. i wish i was rich.
i'm excited about happy hour tonight with my ladies. after that, i think jon c is comin' over for some smoke&movies. i'm really just excited to have a low key night.
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| cold enough to break. |
[14 Nov 2004|03:18pm] |
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jimmy eat world : polaris |
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i woke up at noon today and my room was as dark as it would be at 5am. i looked up at the window pane above my bed and watched the rain hit. it was cold, but i was warm. this weather makes me want snuggles and hot chocolate. instead, i hung out with friends and drank hot tea. it's a good life when you have alternatives just as good as the things you crave.
poor sara is sick and it breaks my heart. she's coughing as much as i am and it worries me. she's so much more disciplined than i am, no cigarettes and no going out. i'm sure she'll get better very soon. i really hope so.
i'm slowly trying to adapt a more apathetic mentality, it's coming along slowly and i really like it. polar opposite than my usual frantic states. perfection will be finding a balance. i'm optimistic.
tonight my other friend courtney is going to be in the stitch fashion show at emo's and court and i are going to support. it's chilly as fuck out, but with a scarf, coat, friends, &love - i'm sure tonight will be a good one.
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| happy girl |
[12 Nov 2004|03:19pm] |
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fiona apple : fast as you can |
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final drink count for last night :
5 maker's on the rocks
1 shot straight maker's
1 three legged monkey
keep in mind to those of you who have never been to sidebar, ONE maker's on the rocks is in a rocks glass FILLED TO THE BRIM. it's pretty much three shots in one. also keep in mind that i only weigh 120 lbs. - i was WASTED. but i didn't fall down. i didn't throw up. and i don't have a hangover. i am, however, EXTREMELY tired. i didn't end up going to sleep until 7am. yeah, it was a great night. :)
i don't know why i always freak myself out about shit that i really don't need to freak out about. things are going wonderfully with a boy but i always let self doubt and shitty esteem fuck with my head. i just need to chill the fuck out.
the next few days are going to be fun. i really wish there were more hours in the day or days to a weekend. i really don't have enough time to fit everyone i wanna see into it. but goddammit i'm trying. tonight is slow motion picture at redrum. tomorrow i want to spend some time with stephanie, ross, &aaron. sunday is the fashion show at emo's. monday is happy hour at moonshine ... god i'm already getting tired.
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| tell all the stars that the stars are no more |
[10 Nov 2004|01:20pm] |
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cave in : big riff |
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i have been a shitty live journal friend and for this i am sorry. i was looking back at old journal entries and realized that i used to write in this thing everyday at least once, if not 2 or 3 times a day. now it's rare for me to even write in it once a week. i guess it's because there isn't really much to write about other than the fact that i am indeed getting crazier. and the progression of my crazyness isn't exactly something i want to see chronicled. i still need to get tested for mercury poisoning and my anxiety is prohibiting me from calling the damn place. i'm a mess.
other than that, life has been a blur of mass quantities of socializing. i finally had some downtime last night with courtney. we just sat at home all night, smoked, talked, and watched t.v. - i think i was actually asleep by 2am and that is a fucking miracle. i just may do it again tonight, who knows. i'm just stoked sara is coming home today.
i don't know how well this is actually going to work out, but i want to try and make tomorrow the only night i go out for the rest of this week before the fashion show on sunday. i wonder if i'll manage to stay in friday AND saturday. it's really sad that i even have to question that. fuck i need some discipline.
my super crazy, super awesome aunt sue is flying in on the 24th and i'm picking her up from the airport. she said she's gonna take me shopping and i almost peed myself. i wanna try and get her to stay the night so i can take her to killeen the next day to see my folks for thanksgiving as opposed to that night. i really want to take her out with me wednesday night to jackalope and sidebar. you all need to meet her, she's seriously amazing. and seriously loaded. i'm sure she'd buy everyone drinks. sweet. i know.
okay, more laundry time. bank time. post office time. grocery time. then some lovin' time? who knows.
xoxo
v.
edit: mark's band, SLOW MOTION PICTURE is playing friday night at redrum at 9pm. so i guess i'll be going out. but i'm only staying until midnight. COME OUT! SUPPORT! AND SAY HI!
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| my dear |
[05 Nov 2004|01:13pm] |
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CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PROMOTION, JOHN!!!!
WE LOVE YOU!
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| jesus fucking christ |
[02 Nov 2004|12:48am] |
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morrissey : certain people i know |
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at least 2 or 3 times a week, on my way to work, i pass under the I35 bridge around 12th street and see some fuckers on it holding a banner that says, "say no to gay marriages" with another little sign that says, "honk if you agree". it seriously fucks my work day up because it just makes me pissed off for the rest of my evening. i'm just happy no one has honked while i've passed under it. but i do make sure to prominantly flick them off everytime i pass under. i just don't get people.
speaking of not getting people, i really think 2004 has been the shittiest year of my entire life. aside from moving into this house with these amazing women and meeting some of the best people ever, everything else i've gone through has been S H I T. and it all comes back around to games. i am pretty proud of myself though, i've ducked out earlier from situations where i knew there was potential of getting fucked with. so hooray for learning my lessons.
i know that everyone knows tomorrow is election day, and i know that everyone is tired of hearing about it, but goddamn am i scared. we're having a mini-election party at our house. it should be fun, i'm making vegetarian chili and it should be good. anything to take my mind off of impending doooom.
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[31 Oct 2004|04:34pm] |
for those of you who don't have myspace, here are the links to the pictures of last night's debauchery.
halloween
halloween 2
i'm so excited that my friends page is full of great pics from everyone's early weekend. i'm hoping they'll keep flooding in everyday until next week. last night was spent at emo's watching my wonderful boys play, then we took off to sidebar to celebrate the extra hour of drinking. there were karate fights. floor humping. drink spilling. dance offs. cussing. kissing. &sweetsweet love making going on. it was a very magical night and i hope it continues into tonight.
xoxo
v.
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| hey look |
[29 Oct 2004|01:16pm] |
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food network |
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i survived everyone's birthday weekend. crazy. it was fun times though. ross' b-day was celebrated at their new house on duval. it was also the first party for that house and i do have to say that they did me proud. great party guys. you know it's a good time when you don't pass out until 5am. sunday, we were supposed to have a pumpkin carving party but that fell through because EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE was hung over. monday, partyallthetime at casa le femme. i cooked food (stuffed mushrooms, corn fritters, mini twice baked potatoes, and 7 layer dip), everyone who came brought a bottle of wine which resulted in mass quantities of wine teeth in the house. soooo many people showed up and i'm glad everyone said they had a good time. i'm happy that marisa, another birthday girl showed up so i could shower her with love. i can't really remember what i did on tuesday so if anyone wants to fill me in that would be nice. i think i stayed home though. wednesday night was hot water music and a brief visit to sidebar. i was super fucking stoked to see my corpus boys there but not so stoked on the hot water set and the fact that it was $12 and the fact that it was on the INSIDE STAGE. wth? they played remedy which is grand, but they didn't play trusty chords - not so grand. last night, courtney, sara, and i hit up jackalope for one drink where we saw the lovely miss erin and mister grizz, then we headed to sidebar. saw a bunch of my lovelies and was happy. it was rachel's birthday and we celebrated in style.
TONIGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE MORRISSEY AND THAT GOT CANCELLED SO I'M THE SADDEST GIRL TO EVER NOT HOLD A MARTINI. dammit.
but tomorrow the cutaway play at emo's and if you know what's good for you you'll go. i think i'm wearing a costume but not my official one, that number is getting saved for sunday.
i haven't been this broke in a long time and it's really pretty depressing.
oh, and i might have mercury poisoning. it's a long story and i'll tell you if you wanna know, but the funny part is my dad told me i have to go to the doctor get tested for heavy metal!
I'LL FUCKING ACE THAT SHIT!!!
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| hey assholes!! |
[19 Oct 2004|11:45pm] |
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blood of abraham |
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| words to live by |
[07 Oct 2004|07:12pm] |
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timonium : crushed discs |
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so my life is so fucked up right now. i put myself in situations that i know are only detrimental to my well being. and even when i try to take the high road, something always finds a way to come and trip me up. when shit starts to get really bad, i always think of my favorite nietzsche quote :
"that which does not kill us makes us stronger."
it's hard to keep your head up when the sky is crashing down, but that quote always rings so true when you finally make it out of the rubble.
saw the good life on monday and fell in love with tim kasher all over again. i don't care if he looks like a grizzly bear with a gut. then i saw converge and cave in on tuesday. the drummer for converge is fucking amazing. had a low key night with the boys and a couple lovely ladies last night. and tonight, the usual thursday ritual.
there are so many fucking shows coming up that i want to make it to, but my body and budget are rebelling. dammit. i'll find a way.
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perfectlaughter's journal